I\u2019m Michelle Kickham \u2013 a 25 year old scientist, athlete and writer from Ireland.<\/p>\n
But I have a story \u2013 a somewhat messy story, but a story of progress, making a change and becoming the person you\u2019ve always wanted to be.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m sharing it\u2013 and although friends and family had been urging me to share it for a while now, what really pushed me was actually the \u201cReveal Yourself\u201d hashtag. Every morning when I\u2019m sitting at the train station, waiting to go to work, I see the BULK POWDERS poster across the track; #RevealYourself. Something about that poster makes me feel like I should be proud of myself<\/strong>. It makes me reflect on why I feel I should reveal myself \u2013 and my story, and its message of strength, courage and willpower.<\/p>\n We all have our demons – a past we want to ignore or a memory we want to forget. Sometimes I want to just ignore mine, pretend it never happened. But, now it symbolizes something – it shows what determination, strength, love and commitment can do. I want to show people that it is possible to get out of whatever hell you might be living in and start living your life. The past is the past, but don\u2019t forget it. Let it show you what you can do \u2013 because progress is possible, and it\u2019s friggin\u2019 amazing.<\/p>\n I have a good life now \u2013 I have friends, an amazing job, a fantastic loving family, and of course, weight training (strength training, bodybuilding\u2026 whatever you want to call it) is my love.\u00a0 Each day I am becoming more like the girl I used to be. My parents are getting their daughter back, my sister is getting her sister back \u2013 and I am finding myself again \u2013 because I lost her about 10 years ago to a horrible disease \u2013 Anorexia.<\/p>\n I would like to say I\u2019m recovered\u00a0 \u2013 but there are still food issues and a small bit of weight gain left,\u00a0 confidence issues\u2026 but compared to what I was like ten or even five years ago \u2013 I\u2019d like to think of myself as pretty much<\/em> recovered! In an attempt to avoid the \u201cshock factor\u201d, I\u2019ll leave out the nitty gritty details \u2013 but needless to say, things were bad<\/em>. I lost all of my friends, I had to leave school, I was in hospital more times than I would like to admit \u2013 and worst of all \u2013 I broke my family\u2019s heart in the process. My life was a mess \u2013 I was a mess! I didn\u2019t even realise it\u2026 not until it was too late \u2013 or what I thought was too late. To be perfectly honest \u2013 at a BMI of 11 – I thought I was going to die. I was selfish, alone (or so I thought) and hopeless. I was difficult to be around, or even look at \u2013 the remnants of a happy, lively child. My family did their best to keep me sane by being the only friends I really had \u2013 even though I shunned them away every day.<\/p>\n And yet – they saved my life. How? Well, for one \u2013 they kick ass and they\u2019re almost as determined as me. They would not allow to Anorexia take my life \u2013 whereas I was in no place to even comprehend the thought that this was in fact a dangerously close reality.<\/p>\n They forced me to do things I didn\u2019t want to do \u2013 like go to college (I wanted to drop out \u2013 even though I am very academic), socialise, eat \u201cfear foods\u201d\u2026 basically everything that didn\u2019t involve Anorexia, because at the time \u2013that\u2019s all my life was. As much as I hated them at the time for what they did, I owe them my life. It showed me that there was more to life than Anorexia \u2013 I was more than a disease. I was becoming a scientist. I was a friend. I saw value in myself again.<\/p>\n After a few years, I realised that I wanted other things in my life. But there was no time for these things \u2013not with Anorexia being around, anyway. I played around with hobbies, the odd social event \u2013 but nothing ever stuck. I just didn\u2019t want to get rid of the disease \u2013 I was happy the way things were. Well, I thought I was. This was about 6 years ago.<\/p>\n My family saved my life, but lifting changed it<\/strong>. I was alive<\/em>, but now I\u2019m living<\/em>.\u00a0 There\u2019s a difference.<\/p>\n This changed things \u2013 a lot. \u00a0I don\u2019t really remember how I got into it, but once I started \u2013 I fell in love with it. I saw how my hard work in the gym paid off \u2013 I was building muscle, I was getting stronger \u2013 not\u00a0that<\/em>\u00a0strong, but stronger! I was still quite thin, with not a shred of muscle mass \u2013 but I was determined, and it was that determination that bled into my entire life. And from there \u2013 I became the person I am today. And this was only a year ago.<\/p>\n It became more than just a thing to do\u2026and more than just aesthetics. As I started to get stronger \u2013 I felt stronger inside, too<\/strong>. My confidence began to rise. I noticed that I was more aware of my body. It wasn\u2019t just something that was there\u2026it was something that deserved respect. I deserved respect \u2013 from myself.<\/p>\n Now, I train with a personal trainer on a weekly basis (which I love \u2013 he kicks my ass and it\u2019s fantastic!) and another trainer who I work with strictly with respect to strength training. They\u2019re awesome \u2013since I\u2019ve started working with them, my strength has increased exponentially, and I will be competing for the first time this October \u2013 don\u2019t expect to win anything of course \u2013 but that\u2019s not the point!<\/p>\n And when I\u2019m at the gym, just doing my own thing \u2013 I become myself. I feel energised, confident and strong. I am now confident in my body<\/strong>, and I have never felt better. And the best part is \u2013 there\u2019s no end to this. I know I can continue to do better and feel better about myself. As clich\u00e9 as it sounds \u2013 weight training has absolutely changed my life. It\u2019s showed me that I am more than a number on the scale, or a jeans size \u2013 a size zero won\u2019t go near my legs now \u2013 and I\u2019m happy about it<\/strong>!<\/p>\n Since then, progresses \u2013 in all aspects of my life \u2013 have been incredible. \u00a0I have a healthy, balanced diet. I graduated with a first class honours in Chemistry and Biology. I was awarded the Irish Research Council Scholarship to undertake my PhD project in Immunology and Organic Chemistry \u2013 and I absolutely love it. My day is filled with incredible science (which is great and horrible at the same time\u2026science is finicky like that!) and amazing people (believe it or not \u2013 scientists are really friggin cool people!) and I write for Free From Heaven magazine on a monthly basis. And now, I write for Bulk Powders \u2013 a company I genuinely respect \u2013 and I am truly honoured to have been given this opportunity. This is what my life is now. This is what I have become\u2026 something I never dreamed possible. I am no longer \u201cthe anorexic girl\u201d \u2013 I\u2019m Michelle; a scientist, writer and an athlete.<\/p>\n Prove to yourself that you can be the person you want to be. Use your strength, use your loved ones and use your brain \u2013 and you will see change.\u00a0 Make a decision, make a vision \u2013 and you will become that vision. That\u2019s what I did \u2013 and I will never look back.<\/p>\nProgress is possible, and it\u2019s friggin\u2019 amazing.<\/h3>\n
I\u2019d like to think of myself as pretty much<\/em> recovered!<\/h3>\n
Then I started lifting.<\/strong><\/h3>\n