{"id":840,"date":"2013-03-06T09:00:25","date_gmt":"2013-03-06T09:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bulk.com\/uk\/blog\/?p=840"},"modified":"2022-08-30T15:43:15","modified_gmt":"2022-08-30T14:43:15","slug":"goldilocks-bulkpowders-bear-cautionary-tale-of-shouldnt-rob-bulkpowders-customer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bulk.com\/uk\/the-core\/goldilocks-bulkpowders-bear-cautionary-tale-of-shouldnt-rob-bulkpowders-customer\/","title":{"rendered":"A cautionary tale (of why you shouldn\u2019t rob a Bulk\u2122 customer)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Goldilocks and The BULK POWDERS\u2122\u00a0Bear:\u00a0A cautionary tale (of why you shouldn\u2019t rob a BULK POWDERS\u2122\u00a0customer)<\/strong><\/p>\n

One cold South Wales evening, a young man with his life ahead of him, found himself innocently bashing back the draw bolt on an ex working man\u2019s club door.\u00a0 It was about quarter to three in the morning, so he felt sure no-one would think his intentions were anything but honest.<\/p>\n

On entering, he set off the fire extinguisher (as you do), walked round leaving shoe prints (why would he mind, he wasn\u2019t doing anything wrong?).\u00a0 He entered what used to be the old bar area, switched on the heater (why should he get cold?) and started to fill his bag with drink.\u00a0 And then he made his mistake \u2013 he found a magnificent stash of BULK POWDERS\u2122\u00a0whey protein, pre workout drinks<\/a>, sports vitamins and added them to his bag.\u00a0 But upstairs the Protein Bear was stirring.<\/p>\n

Oblivious for the time being, young Goldilocks started to help himself from the Irish Cream and headed upstairs to the first floor.\u00a0 He found a cupboard and, putting down his torch and 2 hats,\u00a0 began to pull away the hardboard walls. \u00a0Goldilocks hated waste and was keen to re-cycle any copper pipes.\u00a0 Better that than open-caste mining.\u00a0 But he was making too much noise.<\/p>\n

The Protein Bear was now awake.\u00a0 Pulling on a t-shirt he began to make his way down from the second floor.\u00a0 Goldilocks heard this and ,having nothing to fear, shut himself into the cupboard.\u00a0 The bear (for he had brains as well as brawn) pulled open the door and switched on the light, before suggesting that the intruder come out.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome out now or I\u2019ll *** you alive,\u201d said the fierce bear.<\/p>\n

Goldilocks eventually came out.\u00a0 When he saw the bear, he was appalled.\u00a0 264 pounds in his bare (or is it bear feet) feet, 19 inch arms.\u00a0 Literally fighting fit.\u00a0 Famous throughout the UK strongman \/ weightlifting community, \u00a0a well-known protein rep and former British and European Grip Champion and now standing before the young Goldilocks in his pants and t-shirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, sorry, sorry,\u201d began Goldilocks.\u00a0 \u201cErm, I\u2019m homeless??\u201d<\/p>\n

It is not hard to distinguish a bear with a grievance from a ray of sunshine and, to be fair, his blood was up.<\/p>\n

After swinging the young man round, he brought him down to the ground and brought his full weight down on his back, arm in a lock.\u00a0 By now young Goldilocks was in terror for his life.\u00a0 After several reminders (indeed many) on the importance of leaving other people\u2019s protein alone, he began to be frog marched to the stairs.<\/p>\n

At this point, the young man saw a brief opportunity and ran for it, breaking out into the night.<\/p>\n

\u201cBugger,\u201d said the bear, in hot pursuit.\u00a0 Bare feet and pants weren\u2019t the best gear and to be honest weight lifters are not generally famous for speed.\u00a0 So he rang 999.<\/p>\n

The police found young Goldilocks relatively quickly.\u00a0 We suspect he probably ran to the station shouting \u201cplease lock me up\u201d.\u00a0 But even if he had tried to remain at large, the fact that he had left his probation papers at the scene of the crime did not help him greatly.\u00a0 Nor his large facial tattoo, which made it arguably difficult to blend into the crowd at times like this.<\/p>\n

And they all lived happily ever after.\u00a0 Goldilocks is now doing porridge at Cardiff Prison.\u00a0 Probably not too hot and not too cold.\u00a0 But that\u2019s okay \u2013 Goldilocks likes porridge.<\/p>\n

And the bear has gone back to his lair.<\/p>\n

MORAL:<\/p>\n